That Former Sidekick Girl: How to be a Leading Lady

I'm looking at my reflection in the mirror - well I was just before writing this post - and I was thinking, "I look like a leading lady."

This is new for me to feel this way about myself. I've always felt like I could be a leading lady if I looked a certain way. I would often joke that I was a leading lady trapped inside a sidekick girl's body. Deep down I knew I had potential to do something significant with my life but I was so stuck on my looks that I had zero confidence to do anything. And so I became stuck. It wasn't until I pledged to turn away from my sidekick girl ways that I started feeling, looking and behaving like a leading lady.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I grew up in an unstable home environment. At school, I was bullied and I lived in a predominately White area so often I experienced racism. To cope with all that I escaped into the magical world of movies - specifically romantic comedies. I wanted to be Anne Hathaway meeting her grandmother for the first time and discovering she was a princess. I wanted to play 'Baby' and dirty dance with some hot guy while on a family vacation ("I carried a watermelon"). I wanted to be the girl next door (not the movie, although it was a decent movie but I never fancied myself playing a porn star). I wanted to be America's Sweetheart.

At a young age it never escaped my attention that the majority of those leading lady roles were played by White women and when I saw a Black woman she was stereotypical (ghetto, uneducated, sexualized). I could still love the characters in the stories despite the skin color but I wanted more representation of me. I craved it. But over the years I kept seeing the same White people tell the same stories that I loved over and over again. I'm ashamed to admit that not seeing a positive representation of Black women in the media started to influence the way I saw myself. Because of the lack of Black women playing the kinds of roles I liked to watch I started to think those Leading Lady roles were not for Black women. On a subconscious level I started to believe that the sidekick roles were the best I'd be able to do.

Thank goodness I started practicing self-love. It wasn't an easy switch. I really had to be a bit of a train wreck out here in these LA streets for a long time before I decided to get it together. But now I'm training my brain to think positive thoughts when I look at myself in the mirror. I say it out loud, "I am a leading lady. I turn heads when I walk in the room. I shine bright. I am full of joy. I am a good person. I am beautiful. I deserve to be happy."

What do you think when you look in the mirror? Do you think you look like a leading lady?

I know not everyone lives their lives through movies like me. I have a degree in Film/TV production and as I mentioned I've been obsessed with movies since I was an infant so comparing real life to characters in films is second nature to me. But I'm sure you can make the leap and have all this be relevant to your individual lives as well. You deserve that raise or promotion. You deserve to be in a loving relationship with the right man or woman. You deserve the fairytale wedding. You deserve that national commercial. You deserve to travel the world. You deserve to be a homeowner. You deserve to be your own boss. You deserve 500,000 subscribers on Youtube. Whatever it is that you want to be you can be.

Say it over and over again. Will it into existence. Dress the part. Put on the power suit that makes you walk taller. Wear that ravishing red lipstick that makes you feel fierce. Do whatever you have to do to get hype so that by the time you walk out the door after giving yourself that morning peptalk - can't nobody tell you nuthin'!

Much in the way that thinking of yourself as a sidekick will make you a sidekick - seeing yourself as a leading lady will, in fact, make you a leading lady. So keep telling yourself that you are talented and gifted - and beautiful. Say it over and over and over again until you believe it. Then watch what happens.

I look like a leading lady now - not because I'm wearing make-up and doing my hair and putting on pretty dresses (although it is important to put some effort into your appearance. Especially on low-energy, depressive days, getting gussied up helps to elevate the mood).

I look like a Leading Lady because I'm embracing who I am, changing what I don't like, throwing away what doesn't serve me and I'm chasing my dreams! I look like a Leading Lady because I believe I am a Leading Lady.