Taking Time to Be Alone

For the past couple of years I've been spending a lot of time alone.

I stepped away from almost all of my friendships and just kind of went in for awhile.  It was lonely but it gave me a chance to get to know myself.   During that time I realized there were things I liked about myself that I wouldn't change and then there were things I needed to take a closer look at.  

I also took time to reflect on the friendships I'd stepped away from - all of them, not just the toxic ones - and I could see who was missing from my life.  The absence of those healthy relationships was noticeable.  So when it was time to face the world again those were the friendships I focused on rekindling.

I like to call this process of stepping away from people and slowly reintegrating them back into my life my Friendship Allergy Test.

As I started opening myself up to friendships again I was very aware of how I reacted to their presence.  If I found myself breaking out in hives or sneezing uncontrollably around certain people I knew I was allergic to their B.S. and would need to keep my distance.  So far, the allergy test has worked wonders.  I've had almost no allergic reactions.

I don't hang out with people who make me break out in hives.  I don't hang out with people who spend the entire night making fun of me or criticizing me or asking me personal questions about my life because they're thirsty for juicy gossip.  I don't spend time with people who are competitive with me or condescending or judgmental of me.  I don't spend time with people who make me uncomfortable or give me ulcers.  Most importantly, I don't spend time with people who physically assault me.  It's been awesome.

The friendships I'm rekindling are even better than they'd been before I had my breakthrough.  So - yay!  It works.  Now maybe you won't have a physical reaction to people like breaking out in hives or getting ulcers but internally you'll know if someone isn't a right fit.  You should pay attention to that little voice that's trying to warn you about a potential toxic friendship.

If you can't hear that voice, then take some time to be alone and get to know yourself.  Being able to be alone is important.  If you can't spend time by yourself how can you expect anyone else to want to spend time with you?  I had to get used to it.  To the silence.  To hearing only my own thoughts.  But as time went on I got better at being alone.  Now I absolutely cherish my alone time.

Real friends, by the way, will allow you to step away for a bit and take some time to yourself.  They won't guilt trip you or try to pressure you into remaining that fun, party girl who always drank too much and made a fool of herself.  Real friends want you to get your shit together.  They'll support you while you're doing it and they won't make it all about them.

As you do your friendship allergy test take note of who's being an understanding friend and who's making it all about them.  Most likely the people making it all about them will be the people you won't miss.

Go Be Happy.  Now.

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