On Realizing I Don't Owe Anyone An Explanation

The people in our lives are very curious about us, aren't they?

For some of our friends and family members, that curiosity isn't just about their overall concern for our well-being.

That curiosity is about their thirst for juicy gossip.

Beware of the friend who's always pumping you for information about your life, your other friendships, your family and especially your romantic involvements.  I'm not saying don't trust any of your friends.   I'm saying pay attention to the ones who always seem to want all the juicy details.  Odds are they're either looking for information that they can file away for future use or they're looking to be entertained.

Or both.

As a kid, I wanted everyone to like me.  I was way too trusting and I thought if someone was my friend that meant they were privy to every personal detail of my life.  Because of the circle of trust.  (I watched way too many episodes of FRIENDS and SEX AND THE CITY).

I thought friendship was about sharing all of my secrets and offering explanations when those shared secrets raised questions.

I should've listened to my mom.  She tried to warn me about people - especially females.  The kind of females who would be secretly jealous of my life.  Or the kind of females who mistook my kindness for weakness.  Or the kind of females who liked having a sidekick.  My mom tried to tell me to steer clear of those types of women but I didn't listen.

"But Dawn," she would caution, "Not everyone needs to know all your business.  Some things should stay private."

It turns out my mom was right.  At the time, I didn't heed her warnings.  So I learned my lesson the hard way.  After years of having friends turn out to be backstabbers and bullies and even thieves then turning around and throwing my personal stuff in my face - like my being out of work - I finally realized I should've been listening to my mom all along.

Recently, I was in a pointless argument with a girl who low-key threatened to expose all the secrets she'd kept of mine over the years.  I think she thought she had some kind of power over me because of the things I'd told her in confidence.

What she knows about me is honestly just fun little scandals you'll no-doubt find out about through my blogs and my Youtube channel.  So I'm not worried about her little threats.  Sure I had secrets on her too but obviously I'm a good person.  Just because I didn't want to be friends with her anymore didn't mean I needed to let the world see just how basic she was.  That wasn't my job.

But I was still pretty pissed off.  

That was the final straw - the final lesson that I needed to learn about toxic friendships and keeping my business to myself.
  
What I know now, as an adult, is that people will mistake your kindness for weakness.  They will be thirsty for juicy gossip and if you're the girl who's always sharing her personal business then they know who to go to for a fix.  People will also use your secrets against you if you're not careful.  Whether they throw them in your face during a terrible fight or tell anyone who will listen about that time you took a classmate's virginity as a favor to him - they will find a way to get leverage and to hurt you.

That's just how sucky people can be.

But I finally understand something about trust and how not everyone should automatically have my trust.  I also no longer feel like I owe anyone answers to their probing questions - no matter how much they insist that I share every gritty detail - I can simply say no.  I can change the subject.  I can politely tell them to mind their own business.

It's something I really have to work on too because telling people my business is like second nature.

I slipped up not too long ago with a new person who repeated something I'd said to a friend almost causing an argument between us.  She tried to play if off like she didn't mean to cause friction - and really only God knows her heart - but the circumstances were quite strange.

I'm still mentally kicking myself for that one because I should've known better.  

Protect your secrets.  Be mindful of the people you have in your circle.  It's a process for me.  This whole transformation is probably going to get a little ugly for awhile.  But I'm fighting for my happiness and my own peace of mind.  Everyday is a new day to try again.  

And at the end of the day it's worth it.